Looking For A Way Out

I feel so disconnected from the world. Experiencing the same things week after week after week is such a bored and tiring lifestyle. Waking up Saturday morning to rain and grey sky doesn't exactly set an exciting mood for someone as young as I. Tonight I have to work. Cant wait for all those tired ass old men to come in and make my job a lot harder than it has to be. Older men want to talk and have conversation and find out your life goals and all that shit. In my mind the reoccurring question of "Does he want a lap dance or not" will not go away. After entertaining the conversation he finally pull out one, not two, not three but one five dollar bill, gives me a wink of his eye and says "theres more where that came from". After that a thug came in. Dressed in these baggy jeans, a wrinkled white tee shirt, and a pair of dirty old tennis shoes. His swag was very outdated, if I ever remember dirty clothes being popular. One of the boys in this group of thugs comes in every Saturday night with little to no money and tries to get at me. This is when I hide. I do not even want them to know I am here. I just wait for the bouncer to throw him out. Tonight was slow so, I decided to leave early. As Im in the back gathering my things I hear a knock on the dressing room. "Who is it?" I asked. "Its the bouncer, I noticed some guy starring at your featured photo earlier so just watch out as you are on your way home", said the bouncer. Hmmmm, how strange, I thought but its whatever. I continued to put my things away. As I walked out I decided to stop and take a look at my picture on the "Tonights Ladies" wall. Looking at myself I can not help but shed a tear or two. In this photo I see someone I never wanted to be. Not in a million years. When people look at this they see a young girl who is consumed by men, money and probably even drugs. That is not who I am and surely not who I want to become. I know that I am in school and am only stripping for a little cash on the side but others do not. I left, the club with these thoughts in my head. It was especially dark outside tonight. Walking in the door of my home and noticing that the power had gone out I just take off my clothes and get in bed. A good nights rest would do me well. Falling asleep I start to dream of moving to a big city with Oliver. I can feel the huge smile across my face as Im asleep. Unfortunately, the nightmare beings, once again, as I wake up Sunday morning.